I'm in the mood for blogging about practice again these days, and could have written a whole post on it every day this week, were I not constantly busy with other stuff. The other stuff is all going OK, so I think I'll get right into it!
Tuesday the heaters were on and I was in my preferred spot right in front of the one under the altar, dripping with sweat from the get-go, bendy, light and strong. Wednesday I was cold, stiff and slow, aching in the shoulders and piriformis. Today my shoulders were still sore but less so, spine open but a little tender, piriformis still playing up.... but energy level was very good.
Tuesday I did handstand and then managed a decent vrshchikasana on my own - that means feet are touching my head and I can see my toes - held it for eight and came back up. Cary came over... I told her I was going to do one more and go over, then grab my ankles. And I did go over, though control was somewhat lacking, and managed to grab an inch or two above my ankes, which is really good. Stood up and we went for the tictocs. I seemed to be getting the hang of it a bit and had the impression she was helping me less. She was getting me up partway and then I was catching it with straight legs and coming down with some control, they were probably the best so far. Chakra bandhasana - kneecaps again. My new thing here? SLOW breathing. Yeah, doing it with really calm breathing, that's the way forward. Otherwise there's nowhere left to go without freaking out! I've gotta make some more space. And I can do that by getting really comfortable where I am.
Wednesday I did the handstand, which is never really a problem these days. Sometimes I have to try a few times or even more than a few, but I always catch one for twenty breaths, or nearly twenty (good enough).... or about ten breaths and then go again for another ten or more (so total twenty). The thing about handstands is I don't want to be there forever, because my wrists and hands can only take so much and there's more to come. But what's often difficult after cracking out a good handstand is catching another one so I can do vrshchikasana. It's like, where did that wonderful sense of balance go that I had a second ago?? It may be partly the consequence of thinking ahead to being in the posture and mentally rushing through the handstand entry - doesn't work! This balancing upside-down stuff really keeps one in the moment, that is for sure...
So I just couldn't seem to catch one and finally I gave up and got her to help me (there was no ankle grab either, that is strictly optional and I felt way too stiff). So all she does is have her fingers there to catch me lightly if I fall a little off balance, but I can go deeper with her there and start getting my feet right in front of my face (oh.... I should be linking to Kino right now but I'm too lazy to go looking for it). It takes a lot more strength to go deeper, because as your legs go further over, you are no longer a circle centred over your arms like a lollipop on a stick; the weight shifts back and you have to use sheer strength through the front of the body to stay there. And this is all very good for helping me learn the toc.
But tictocs came, and what a disaster! She's been trying to get me to bring my shoulders back of my hands, practising this in UD... I'd always thought they went pretty far back, but apparently not enough for tictocs. And practising getting them back there is.... very uncomfortable. There's a pain threshold there. Ouch. So.... in the first toc, she pulls my hips back towards her, my shoulders go back and I start to cry 'NOOOOOO.....!!' My arms just give way again, and I go SPLAT on my back. I just totally lost the connection through my hands at some point. My shoulders don't go back there yet. We tried again. This time, I lost it at the top. There is a point where the hips are still behind you, but the legs are no longer in backbend but have started to come over. So if you lose it at this point, your hips want to fall back into the backbend, but your legs are no longer underneath you and want to take you the other way. Result: hands coming ungrounded and fear of crashing straight down on head; body luckily knowing instinctively to flip out of it in a kind of twist and land.... I don't really know how, but it didn't hurt. I got up again... let's try again, I said. I think she was impressed with my spirit at this point! This time I straightened my legs too soon, started flailing, and managed to almost knock Cary's head off.... but she did a very skillful duck out of the way.
Sigh. I redeemed myself with another beautiful CB.
Today I nailed the first handstand for ten and did another for 25. Vrischikasana for eight and back to handstand. Tic and ankle grab. Cary came over. 'So how are your shoulders feeling today?' Answer: SORE (only in that particular action though). I told her it really hurts to press my shoulders too far back, I need to work at it slowly. She told me to practise it in UD and I said I am but it hurts! She got me to do UD from the ground and show her and asked where it hurt.... it's the fronts of the shoulders, deltoid attachment area, not at all where she's imagined. She is surprised by all this and finds it really interesting, never thought it would be such a problem for me and said she can jump up in a toc cold. OK, great... Well anyway, we didn't do the tictocs, and for a week or so I'm going to work at UD with straight legs, like viparita dandasana but on the hands instead of the forearms. She said trying to open that area along with the impact is too much and I kind of agree.... so just backing off for a wee bit. No rush!
More practice notes.... I've been slacking in vatayanasana since Sharath's workshop. Hey, if it's good enough for him! Tuesday I got a tap on my heel in the second side, bringing it further back and closer in. OK. I took it on board and so kneecap dancing has made a comeback, especially on the first side, which is harder. I'd gotten so sick of wavering around and falling out of this one, making earnest efforts and getting nowhere, but I think that coming back to it I've now made a little progress. The adjustment Sharath gave me really helped, he had me turning slightly to the right on the second side, bringing my hands round slightly, and this really makes a difference, bringing the lotus hip forward. So yes, the one adjustment I got off him was superb!
I made a discovery in SUPV, that by flexing the lotus foot in the twist and pressing the heel down, I can ground the hip down and really increase the hip stretch. Your reward for months of crashing in agony onto your elbows is that that part becomes easy and the hip opener at the top is divine :)
I also switched sides in yoganidrasana once when Cary wasn't looking. I was following a strong impulse and my god, it felt good!!
Practice, practice, practice, that's all I want to talk about and I'm getting up for more of it in about five hours.
Oh, and I booked my flight home to Canada for Christmas!
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Sunday, 15 November 2009
That was a lovely weekend
6:00 am.... Silence. No sound of rain beating down, only a few birds twittering in the resounding darkness.
I have just slept for the better part of twelve hours...
Outside there's been a tempest going on, up until about half an hour ago. I went out in it yesterday morning for my massage, then stayed holed up in here the rest of the day. It took longer than I'd remembered to walk to Broadway Market, and I arrived late and wet. She was running late in any case, so it worked out just fine. Here is the story of how I found this massage therapist... Cary had been down in the market with Oscar last week and noticed the Holistic Health place. With O asleep in the pram, she walked in desperate for a massage, asking if anyone happened to be available. This woman, F, was waiting for a client who was ten minutes late, and didn't know if he'd show up. Cary said if he did she'd get off the table, and that in any case her baby would probably wake up; so they agreed to try. And O kept sleeping soundly, someone else missed their appointment, and Cary went away with the feeling of things having magically come together again, and a handful of business cards.
It was a GREAT massage, and she used a blend of essential oils she made up for me (she's also a medical herbalist): grapefruit, mandarin, lavender, rose geranium. She struck the right balance, going excruciatingly deep into the trigger points, but also smoothing things around in broad sweeps... she does reiki too and I felt her understanding of the subtle field. She worked at the knots strewn through my upper back, but ended up spending more time on quadratus lumborum, which is likely to be the cause of the mild but irritating piriformis thing I have going on, which I feel mostly going in and out of the standing poses. I liked this woman's style a lot, she was very intuitive and no-nonsense. And she gave me a hug after :)
Back out in the streets with a new feeling of spaciousness to explore, it was bucketing down with strong gusts of wind, luckily a wind with a hint of mildness to it. The market was still going on but people were mostly squeezing inside the cosy pubs and cafes, or sitting outdoors with hot drinks under awnings buffeted by the gales. I found a space in the French place and got a latte, though the chances of the 'weather' going away in the time it took to drink it seemed slim. The food around me looked amazing. So soon I had a plate of eggs florentine in front of me, poached to perfection with the freshest spinach and roasted cherry tomatoes on the vine. Yumm. Since getting off the massage table I'd been in that euphoric state where everything is lustrous, people have warmth in their eyes, rain doesn't matter... and I didn't feel so isolated sitting in the middle of the usual crowds of happy couples who all woke up in each others' arms. I think a Saturday morning massage is really an excellent way to begin the weekend.
Back into the tempest, a half hour walk home. Childlike pleasure in the weather (something cleansing and cathartic about it, dramatic, literary). Dry clothes and warm flat waiting, nowhere to go for the rest of the day. Bright yellow, green and brown leaves plastered against the pavement, the dance of concentric circles in deep puddles and bubbles springing up from the force of the drops; the black wetness of the railway arches against tumultous clouds. So beautiful. Came home and downloaded a bunch of music (Django Reinhardt, Donald Byrd, Peter Tosh, Jane's Addiction, Portishead, electronic disco jazz compilation because I like a random factor). Did pretty much nothing else for the rest of the day. Sat for awhile as the grey finally turned to darkness, listening to the swaying branches and rustling leaves, rain battering the streets and the occasional tin can scudding across the pavement.
I have just slept for the better part of twelve hours...
Outside there's been a tempest going on, up until about half an hour ago. I went out in it yesterday morning for my massage, then stayed holed up in here the rest of the day. It took longer than I'd remembered to walk to Broadway Market, and I arrived late and wet. She was running late in any case, so it worked out just fine. Here is the story of how I found this massage therapist... Cary had been down in the market with Oscar last week and noticed the Holistic Health place. With O asleep in the pram, she walked in desperate for a massage, asking if anyone happened to be available. This woman, F, was waiting for a client who was ten minutes late, and didn't know if he'd show up. Cary said if he did she'd get off the table, and that in any case her baby would probably wake up; so they agreed to try. And O kept sleeping soundly, someone else missed their appointment, and Cary went away with the feeling of things having magically come together again, and a handful of business cards.
It was a GREAT massage, and she used a blend of essential oils she made up for me (she's also a medical herbalist): grapefruit, mandarin, lavender, rose geranium. She struck the right balance, going excruciatingly deep into the trigger points, but also smoothing things around in broad sweeps... she does reiki too and I felt her understanding of the subtle field. She worked at the knots strewn through my upper back, but ended up spending more time on quadratus lumborum, which is likely to be the cause of the mild but irritating piriformis thing I have going on, which I feel mostly going in and out of the standing poses. I liked this woman's style a lot, she was very intuitive and no-nonsense. And she gave me a hug after :)
Back out in the streets with a new feeling of spaciousness to explore, it was bucketing down with strong gusts of wind, luckily a wind with a hint of mildness to it. The market was still going on but people were mostly squeezing inside the cosy pubs and cafes, or sitting outdoors with hot drinks under awnings buffeted by the gales. I found a space in the French place and got a latte, though the chances of the 'weather' going away in the time it took to drink it seemed slim. The food around me looked amazing. So soon I had a plate of eggs florentine in front of me, poached to perfection with the freshest spinach and roasted cherry tomatoes on the vine. Yumm. Since getting off the massage table I'd been in that euphoric state where everything is lustrous, people have warmth in their eyes, rain doesn't matter... and I didn't feel so isolated sitting in the middle of the usual crowds of happy couples who all woke up in each others' arms. I think a Saturday morning massage is really an excellent way to begin the weekend.
Back into the tempest, a half hour walk home. Childlike pleasure in the weather (something cleansing and cathartic about it, dramatic, literary). Dry clothes and warm flat waiting, nowhere to go for the rest of the day. Bright yellow, green and brown leaves plastered against the pavement, the dance of concentric circles in deep puddles and bubbles springing up from the force of the drops; the black wetness of the railway arches against tumultous clouds. So beautiful. Came home and downloaded a bunch of music (Django Reinhardt, Donald Byrd, Peter Tosh, Jane's Addiction, Portishead, electronic disco jazz compilation because I like a random factor). Did pretty much nothing else for the rest of the day. Sat for awhile as the grey finally turned to darkness, listening to the swaying branches and rustling leaves, rain battering the streets and the occasional tin can scudding across the pavement.
***************
Now it's 7pm. Great practice this morning - my upper back was dying to do it from the moment I got up. I felt light as well, so it was smooth sailing, and back to a deep kapo today. I was last in the assisted backbending queue so had quite a few goes at vrshchikasana, one of which was really good. Fell out of the next one and decided to grab my ankles.... I'm going to stick that in as a regular thing again. I think I'm on my own in vrshchi from now on, so I'll finish off my attempts with a tic and then ankle grab. I had the impression in tictocs that she was helping me less today, but don't know if that's really the case or not. Anyway, I remembered to straighten my legs at the top both on the way over and back. I felt today in the toc part that a tremendous amount of bandha strength is needed to bring the legs over... I had to give it everything I had in my core. I guess that's a skillful adjustment, not just carrying me over. I still don't see how to get my legs off the floor on my own though! Anyway. Chakra bandhasana was another knee-grab :)
Then it was yogi brunch and I met Karen! With Kevin and AC we wandered down to the same French place in Broadway Market, where I had an enormous omelette with potatoes, cheese and mushrooms. We managed to spend three hours there just chatting, then walked around east London back to Liverpool Street in the most glorious autumn sunshine, and crisp, cool, rain-washed air. So Karen is a sweetheart and I hope she enjoys our shala!! I'm also keenly interested in her impressions of London, it's fascinating what other people notice.
Back home, I've managed to do washing and a few other chores. I feel like I really want to practice tomorrow despite the new moon, keeping this openness created by the massage, and under AC's influence had toyed with the idea of going to Philippa. But I think I will leave my forays to certified teachers until the New Year, and do my own thing here tomorrow.... 'primary plus', or just the 'plus' maybe... nothing too taxing but definitely some deep backbends. We'll see if I get up early enough and have the energy.
Have a great new moon day all!
Friday, 13 November 2009
Six days, and gaining strength
Hurray! A six-day week :)
So glad I went to led primary this morning. I was afraid my shoulder would be hurting, but I felt strong and light. No coughing or nose-blowing either! The cold is truly gone, and neti in the shower has become a daily habit.
The tictocs have been progressing pretty well. I haven't gone 'splat' again trying to jump up... but I did take quite a spectacular wipe-out at the top the other day. And this is all WITH assistance still!! Well, Cary gives good assists in vrshchi and tictocs.... meaning she tries not to do all the work for me. So when I get to the top she says 'straight legs... straight legs...' and lets me catch the handstand myself before coming back down. And my hips weren't quite there yet, or I was looking too far down. I had feared this exact thing happening, and a faceplant crash.... in reality what happened is that one of my hands flew up and I fell out kind of sideways, landing on the other hand and my feet and ass (I think). Actually I wish I could recreate how that happened in my mind now, but it's a bit confusing.... but anyway no pain or damage done.... LOL.
This posture takes the concept of grounding the hands, the importance of which first comes up when learning vinyasa, to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I keep finding that I feel like the dry autumn leaves outside, ready to blow away at the slightest breeze. Very vata... need to grow roots through the palms of my hands for this one!! So anyway, I can't get up by myself in the toc, not by a long shot, but I CAN catch it at the top with straight legs (if I don't fly away). But wow, there are just so many pieces to put together for this pose, it's going to take a while to coordinate the whole production. Method-wise, the best way is just to suck it up, don't think about the fear, don't think how hard it is, do the three in a row, bam! bam! bam! then stand up in a daze, and consider bending over backwards to grab your kneecaps a rest by comparison :)
Yeah, chakra bandhasana has been really good again, culminating in a solid kneecap grab yesterday with straight legs. Strangely, kapo has been lousy all week though, in contrast to recent weeks. What's that all about??
Pressing up to handstand hasn't been happening since the day a couple of weeks ago when I did it and blogged about it. It's one of those things that's difficult to work on, too... it's like you press into the hands and something either happens or it doesn't.... I'm not bothered about it for now, let's allow my shoulders to get used to the tictocs first. Somewhere along the line during the last couple of weeks, the left one got tweaked again, from one or both of these new projects; the outer upper arm again (deltoid), where I'd injured it before. Yesterday chaturanga was more like plank-microbend-updog; and nakrasana hasn't happened again the last few days (this one seems very on and off due to various wrist, finger or shoulder worries - luckily I actually CAN do it when I'm fit to do it). But the shoulder thing hasn't been worrying me that much, because it's worst upon waking and at the start of practice, gets better throughout practice and feels fine all day, does not impinge on my daily stuff. And all the other postures are fine, it's like it likes to be stretched out. So it seems that careful practice is OK for it.
So I told Cary I'd come to led, but couldn't do chaturanga... but then today I was fine. We even had some new people in class, who didn't get the difference between 'exhale chaturanga, inhale upward dog' and 'exhale chaturanga and HOLD your chaturanga... chaturanga.... everybody in chaturanga, not just some people.... so if you're not in chaturanga, come to chaturanga NOW.... (etc)'. And I hung out there waiting in chaturanga with everyone else, and STILL I was fine :) (of course I wouldn't have done it otherwise).
Shoulder improvement notwithstanding, I've arranged a massage for tomorrow morning.... HOORAY! She is just down the road in Broadway Market and recently discovered by Cary. So I'm out tonight for magic pizza and a friend's birthday, with a massage in the morning.... sounds good! Then I may do some lazy backbends and play around with some other stuff (urdhva kukkus are calling)... Monday being a moon day and all. I shall accomplish some things on my to-do list tomorrow. And Karen is coming this weekend! And we are having a yogi brunch.
Week two at the office hasn't been bad at all. This was a safe thing to do - an expansion of my former role, in an environment I know and actually kind of enjoy. I've realised now that I have 'sleepy time' most days, but that it will pass and I'll wake up. And I am learning new stuff. And (most importantly), I am not missing practice....
A final piece of randomness: I have symmetrical bruises halfway up on the top of my forearms. From what, any ideas??
So glad I went to led primary this morning. I was afraid my shoulder would be hurting, but I felt strong and light. No coughing or nose-blowing either! The cold is truly gone, and neti in the shower has become a daily habit.
The tictocs have been progressing pretty well. I haven't gone 'splat' again trying to jump up... but I did take quite a spectacular wipe-out at the top the other day. And this is all WITH assistance still!! Well, Cary gives good assists in vrshchi and tictocs.... meaning she tries not to do all the work for me. So when I get to the top she says 'straight legs... straight legs...' and lets me catch the handstand myself before coming back down. And my hips weren't quite there yet, or I was looking too far down. I had feared this exact thing happening, and a faceplant crash.... in reality what happened is that one of my hands flew up and I fell out kind of sideways, landing on the other hand and my feet and ass (I think). Actually I wish I could recreate how that happened in my mind now, but it's a bit confusing.... but anyway no pain or damage done.... LOL.
This posture takes the concept of grounding the hands, the importance of which first comes up when learning vinyasa, to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I keep finding that I feel like the dry autumn leaves outside, ready to blow away at the slightest breeze. Very vata... need to grow roots through the palms of my hands for this one!! So anyway, I can't get up by myself in the toc, not by a long shot, but I CAN catch it at the top with straight legs (if I don't fly away). But wow, there are just so many pieces to put together for this pose, it's going to take a while to coordinate the whole production. Method-wise, the best way is just to suck it up, don't think about the fear, don't think how hard it is, do the three in a row, bam! bam! bam! then stand up in a daze, and consider bending over backwards to grab your kneecaps a rest by comparison :)
Yeah, chakra bandhasana has been really good again, culminating in a solid kneecap grab yesterday with straight legs. Strangely, kapo has been lousy all week though, in contrast to recent weeks. What's that all about??
Pressing up to handstand hasn't been happening since the day a couple of weeks ago when I did it and blogged about it. It's one of those things that's difficult to work on, too... it's like you press into the hands and something either happens or it doesn't.... I'm not bothered about it for now, let's allow my shoulders to get used to the tictocs first. Somewhere along the line during the last couple of weeks, the left one got tweaked again, from one or both of these new projects; the outer upper arm again (deltoid), where I'd injured it before. Yesterday chaturanga was more like plank-microbend-updog; and nakrasana hasn't happened again the last few days (this one seems very on and off due to various wrist, finger or shoulder worries - luckily I actually CAN do it when I'm fit to do it). But the shoulder thing hasn't been worrying me that much, because it's worst upon waking and at the start of practice, gets better throughout practice and feels fine all day, does not impinge on my daily stuff. And all the other postures are fine, it's like it likes to be stretched out. So it seems that careful practice is OK for it.
So I told Cary I'd come to led, but couldn't do chaturanga... but then today I was fine. We even had some new people in class, who didn't get the difference between 'exhale chaturanga, inhale upward dog' and 'exhale chaturanga and HOLD your chaturanga... chaturanga.... everybody in chaturanga, not just some people.... so if you're not in chaturanga, come to chaturanga NOW.... (etc)'. And I hung out there waiting in chaturanga with everyone else, and STILL I was fine :) (of course I wouldn't have done it otherwise).
Shoulder improvement notwithstanding, I've arranged a massage for tomorrow morning.... HOORAY! She is just down the road in Broadway Market and recently discovered by Cary. So I'm out tonight for magic pizza and a friend's birthday, with a massage in the morning.... sounds good! Then I may do some lazy backbends and play around with some other stuff (urdhva kukkus are calling)... Monday being a moon day and all. I shall accomplish some things on my to-do list tomorrow. And Karen is coming this weekend! And we are having a yogi brunch.
Week two at the office hasn't been bad at all. This was a safe thing to do - an expansion of my former role, in an environment I know and actually kind of enjoy. I've realised now that I have 'sleepy time' most days, but that it will pass and I'll wake up. And I am learning new stuff. And (most importantly), I am not missing practice....
A final piece of randomness: I have symmetrical bruises halfway up on the top of my forearms. From what, any ideas??
Monday, 9 November 2009
Having trouble staying awake, and tictoc update
How do you all do it, you early mysore people who work office jobs all day?? I had to break down today and have a latte (with normal milk). Up at 4:30 this morning (desperately needed to get the washing done before practice that didn't get done over the weekend).... and not home tonight till nearly 11:00...... that is a long day.
So let's see, Friday I felt like crap and skipped led. Saturday I did a short practice at home, less than an hour.... suryas, an embellished standing series, then mostly lunges and backbends, a few hip openers, headstand. Yesterday I had a pretty decent second series at the shala, finally felt like I'd regained my strength.
And then this morning, for the first half of the practice, I found a voice in my head genuinely asking, 'Am I maybe too old for this long a practice??' Just aching all over and stiff again! Near the end of second series I started feeling pretty good again. And I finished it, first full practice since last Monday. Funny enough, I had maybe my best bhairavasana ever :) And of course felt stupendous after it was over.
Here's the new drill for backbends: 3 x UD (I usually hold for about 8 breaths); stand up, then 5 x dropbacks; handstand, hold 20 breaths (if possible); vrshchikasana attempts on my own, coming back up through handstand if possible, or if not then dropping over and standing up; assisted vrshchikasana (10 breaths) and back up through handstand; then 3 x assisted tictocs, then chakrabandhasana. Whew!! Three tictocs in a row is a lot, even with assistance! I stood up after the last one and said 'I think that's the hardest thing I've ever done in yoga', which made Cary laugh, but I meant it.
My shoulders have stopped collapsing so much, but they are quite sore at the moment (anterior deltoid). Trying to push the shoulders back in UD whilst keeping the inner hand (thumb base) grounded is my prep and it's INTENSE. But if I don't keep my thumbs grounded in the tictoc, I feel like I'll just lift up off the mat and fly away like a fallen leaf! So keeping my arms working is the first thing, then getting straight legs at the top.... still confused by that and can't figure out where the hell to put my drishti.... I just hear her saying 'straight legs, straight legs!' but at that moment I'm more concerned about a seemingly imminent crash onto my face. I just need to figure out where to put my head and then actually do it... but so much to think about as you fly through...
So practice is back on track, I think. And four more lovely, painful days of it left this week :)
In other news I got Kevin and AC to meet me for a pizza Saturday night..... and the kitchen was closed, chef off sick! I felt like a real chump, but we went for some nice Turkish food instead.
OK gotta run, time to go be a yoga teacher again....
So let's see, Friday I felt like crap and skipped led. Saturday I did a short practice at home, less than an hour.... suryas, an embellished standing series, then mostly lunges and backbends, a few hip openers, headstand. Yesterday I had a pretty decent second series at the shala, finally felt like I'd regained my strength.
And then this morning, for the first half of the practice, I found a voice in my head genuinely asking, 'Am I maybe too old for this long a practice??' Just aching all over and stiff again! Near the end of second series I started feeling pretty good again. And I finished it, first full practice since last Monday. Funny enough, I had maybe my best bhairavasana ever :) And of course felt stupendous after it was over.
Here's the new drill for backbends: 3 x UD (I usually hold for about 8 breaths); stand up, then 5 x dropbacks; handstand, hold 20 breaths (if possible); vrshchikasana attempts on my own, coming back up through handstand if possible, or if not then dropping over and standing up; assisted vrshchikasana (10 breaths) and back up through handstand; then 3 x assisted tictocs, then chakrabandhasana. Whew!! Three tictocs in a row is a lot, even with assistance! I stood up after the last one and said 'I think that's the hardest thing I've ever done in yoga', which made Cary laugh, but I meant it.
My shoulders have stopped collapsing so much, but they are quite sore at the moment (anterior deltoid). Trying to push the shoulders back in UD whilst keeping the inner hand (thumb base) grounded is my prep and it's INTENSE. But if I don't keep my thumbs grounded in the tictoc, I feel like I'll just lift up off the mat and fly away like a fallen leaf! So keeping my arms working is the first thing, then getting straight legs at the top.... still confused by that and can't figure out where the hell to put my drishti.... I just hear her saying 'straight legs, straight legs!' but at that moment I'm more concerned about a seemingly imminent crash onto my face. I just need to figure out where to put my head and then actually do it... but so much to think about as you fly through...
So practice is back on track, I think. And four more lovely, painful days of it left this week :)
In other news I got Kevin and AC to meet me for a pizza Saturday night..... and the kitchen was closed, chef off sick! I felt like a real chump, but we went for some nice Turkish food instead.
OK gotta run, time to go be a yoga teacher again....
Friday, 6 November 2009
Still fragile
No practice today. My shoulder feels too fragile for led, and I didn't get up early enough for anything else. Planning to do a nice freestyle thing tomorrow.... maybe videos...
Practice yesterday: all the aches and pains in my joints from the day before settled down.... except the shoulder, which is playing up again since the tictoc crash. But practice was light-headed and heavy-chested, and I just felt TIRED.... felt like lying down on the mat from the moment I walked in. No disturbed breathing patterns, that was all normal... but the breath had that quality again, which I can only describe as 'granular', that I get when I'm sick.... kind of feels like inhaling some kind of gas instead of air.
I thought of doing primary but didn't want to, because it seemed like too much work to finish the standings, plus I really wanted to do backbending. So I started bargaining with myself in surya namaskara.... it went something like this: 'Maybe I'll go up to pincha and stop there. Should I do karandavasana? Wait a minute, do I really want to do the tittibhasanas though?? Oh, but they make my legs nice and strong.... Why not just stop after kapo? No, no, I want to do yoganidrasana.....' In the end, I did go up to karanda, but couldn't lift it off my arms, and stopped there.
Kapo was a little better than the day before, but I still had to go to the ground first and pause before taking my feet. The knee was OK again in supta vaj. I came up and told Cary how tired and lightheaded and 'chesty' I was feeling. 'How's work?' she asked immediately. Work's fine, I told her, it's easy. I could see what she was thinking, but you know, sometimes it is not about our 'stuff', and some things do not have a deeper psychological meaning. Sometimes it's just a case of some stupid germ invading the body!!
Took a loo break before backbends in order to cough a bunch of crap up out of my lungs, then did my backbends and dropbacks, which were actually pretty OK. I felt like doing a handstand, and managed to catch one for twelve breaths. Then I had a go at vrshchikasana.... crashed into backbend straight away, then I had a play around. Walked the feet towards my hands as much as possible (normally I'd always walk the hands, but in this particular instance, it's important to walk the feet). Then I came right up on tippytoes and tried to push with the toes to take the hips over the shoulders.... whilst also pushing the shoulders back over the hands and lifting the head as much as possible. Then pressing down through the hands and trying to get that 'connection' through the hands that gets lost when my shoulders go that far back. I didn't even try to jump.... I think this (like all inversions) has little to do with the legs and everything to do with the hips.... imagined the day when I would press into the hands and the hips would float up, ah...
Well, after that Cary wasn't in the room.... I decided I'd done enough and went to finishing. I was still on the mat for an hour and a half, so not a bad little practice.
Work's going fine. I'm actually looking forward to our busy day today. The rest of the week I've spent a lot of time attacking our huge scanning and filing backlog, which is as fascinating as it sounds, but I've been grateful for an easy, mindless task. Next week we'll start doing more training, there are a lot of complicated reports I've got to learn to generate. The main problems so far seem to be how to combat the constant snacking urge, and how to stay awake! I've missed the classes I gave up, but had noticeably more mental energy for the remainder. And it needs to sink in that this is not some kind of weird reverse holiday, but my new lifestyle.....
I feel pretty good today, so fingers crossed this microbe's on the way out. Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend everyone!
Practice yesterday: all the aches and pains in my joints from the day before settled down.... except the shoulder, which is playing up again since the tictoc crash. But practice was light-headed and heavy-chested, and I just felt TIRED.... felt like lying down on the mat from the moment I walked in. No disturbed breathing patterns, that was all normal... but the breath had that quality again, which I can only describe as 'granular', that I get when I'm sick.... kind of feels like inhaling some kind of gas instead of air.
I thought of doing primary but didn't want to, because it seemed like too much work to finish the standings, plus I really wanted to do backbending. So I started bargaining with myself in surya namaskara.... it went something like this: 'Maybe I'll go up to pincha and stop there. Should I do karandavasana? Wait a minute, do I really want to do the tittibhasanas though?? Oh, but they make my legs nice and strong.... Why not just stop after kapo? No, no, I want to do yoganidrasana.....' In the end, I did go up to karanda, but couldn't lift it off my arms, and stopped there.
Kapo was a little better than the day before, but I still had to go to the ground first and pause before taking my feet. The knee was OK again in supta vaj. I came up and told Cary how tired and lightheaded and 'chesty' I was feeling. 'How's work?' she asked immediately. Work's fine, I told her, it's easy. I could see what she was thinking, but you know, sometimes it is not about our 'stuff', and some things do not have a deeper psychological meaning. Sometimes it's just a case of some stupid germ invading the body!!
Took a loo break before backbends in order to cough a bunch of crap up out of my lungs, then did my backbends and dropbacks, which were actually pretty OK. I felt like doing a handstand, and managed to catch one for twelve breaths. Then I had a go at vrshchikasana.... crashed into backbend straight away, then I had a play around. Walked the feet towards my hands as much as possible (normally I'd always walk the hands, but in this particular instance, it's important to walk the feet). Then I came right up on tippytoes and tried to push with the toes to take the hips over the shoulders.... whilst also pushing the shoulders back over the hands and lifting the head as much as possible. Then pressing down through the hands and trying to get that 'connection' through the hands that gets lost when my shoulders go that far back. I didn't even try to jump.... I think this (like all inversions) has little to do with the legs and everything to do with the hips.... imagined the day when I would press into the hands and the hips would float up, ah...
Well, after that Cary wasn't in the room.... I decided I'd done enough and went to finishing. I was still on the mat for an hour and a half, so not a bad little practice.
Work's going fine. I'm actually looking forward to our busy day today. The rest of the week I've spent a lot of time attacking our huge scanning and filing backlog, which is as fascinating as it sounds, but I've been grateful for an easy, mindless task. Next week we'll start doing more training, there are a lot of complicated reports I've got to learn to generate. The main problems so far seem to be how to combat the constant snacking urge, and how to stay awake! I've missed the classes I gave up, but had noticeably more mental energy for the remainder. And it needs to sink in that this is not some kind of weird reverse holiday, but my new lifestyle.....
I feel pretty good today, so fingers crossed this microbe's on the way out. Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend everyone!
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Lame today
I remember writing recently that it was easy for me to breeze through 2nd series without really putting in the effort. That was true that day, but of course it always depends on the day :)
Practice today was lame-ass.
I seemed to have less cough in the morning before practice and felt OK, but STIFF. Then I got onto the mat.... and it was stiff, heavy and weak... the killer trio that makes you wonder if indeed you'll get through it. And every tweak I've had in the past year came out! Left shoulder (had been really better recently, but think I strained it falling out of the tictoc). Left wrist, both wrists, in fact.... just feeling 'tweaky' in chaturangas and jumps. Right piriformis, or whatever the hell it is in there that plays up - made coming up from standing poses a very careful affair. Right knee, which has been hinting around to be careful recently.... today's the first day I actually had to modify a pose for it. Oh, and dizziness every time I stood up. WTF... final stages of cold? Flukey shite day? Imminent ladies' hols not helping? I didn't feel flu-y achey or anything, and breathing was not too bad, it was just rubbish....
But a practice is a practice... I prepared myself to bail out. I don't want to feel despair during surya namaskara, I allow myself a get-out clause. Some days it just isn't gonna happen... but it's good if we still get on the mat.
So the rundown (completely insignificant) is as follows: kapo was abysmal, worst in I don't know how long. I had to plonk down with my hands several inches behind my toes and scooch my fingers to my feet... got heels at last and managed to settle into it, but I'm used to grabbing from the air and then getting my calves. I felt how difficult it is to find any space when the hips are that far back.... you can walk with your hands but it's all compressed unless the hips stay forward (work this in ustrasana). Supta vaj I went down and thought screw it, my knee actually hurts, came straight back up. We did it with just legs crossed. I told Cary how I was feeling and she said I was halfway, I could just stop now and call it a practice. That was much appreciated! but I wanted to do a little more. Failed to get much satisfaction out of the twists, but LBH was OK. Got my karanda up but barely, like lifting a truck, and didn't quite make it up to lotus pincha even..... no problem.... did mayurasana and felt like throwing up.
Nakrasana's been on and off the menu recently due to my finger, which has settled into a decidedly incorrect position (I can't really straighten it). So big NO to that today. Went to put my right leg into vatayansana and thought 'oh fuck, my knee'..... and then just submitted, lay down for backbends. Three tight ones, a hurl up and a plonk down; that was enough, a nice squish from Cary and closing - done.
So I seem to be having problems sticking to the full program. Last Thursday I only did 2nd series.... the two Thursdays before, I somehow skipped. Today not so great.... and frankly don't feel too hopeful about tomorrow or Friday's led. However.... who cares! Next week, another six-day week to attempt. My practice in general feels a lot easier than it used to, but I seem to have more problems sticking to the schedule. But we have to remember that it really doesn't matter! It really doesn't. If we keep practising every day, we improve. I won't lose strength for 3rd series by not doing it - chaturangas and the various vinyasas make me stronger. I won't lose LBH for 3rd without doing it - if I just did eka pada, dwi pada and yoga nidrasana every day, still my hips would open! As for backbends, eh..... you can't have brilliant sunshiney weather all the time. It is what it is. But I would love to have a good practice tomorrow, and that all my sensitive body parts feel more ease.....
I think this really may be a viral kind of stiff/weak thing, hoping it's the last stages of this 'bug'.
Well, in other news I went and gave DNA to the police today, to compare with the DNA sample from where the mugger touched me. 'My' officer was out and I dealt with his colleague.... they will be in touch with an update.
There is a farmers' market near the office the first Wednesday of every month; I went there with my colleague/friend and got gorgeous seafood paella cooked up in a metre-wide pan. Heavenly moist apple and plum cake, and pistachio and cardamom cake to share, and some goat's cheeses for home, one with a subtle flavour of garlic, mmm.
The afternoon kind of dragged at work, but really I can't complain. And the moments of rapture have been coming back... the feeling of emptiness and perfection that suddenly hits at the sight of a leaf, a sky, a face.... blown away.... when we aren't there for those, the rest of life seems much tougher.
That's what practice is for.....
Practice today was lame-ass.
I seemed to have less cough in the morning before practice and felt OK, but STIFF. Then I got onto the mat.... and it was stiff, heavy and weak... the killer trio that makes you wonder if indeed you'll get through it. And every tweak I've had in the past year came out! Left shoulder (had been really better recently, but think I strained it falling out of the tictoc). Left wrist, both wrists, in fact.... just feeling 'tweaky' in chaturangas and jumps. Right piriformis, or whatever the hell it is in there that plays up - made coming up from standing poses a very careful affair. Right knee, which has been hinting around to be careful recently.... today's the first day I actually had to modify a pose for it. Oh, and dizziness every time I stood up. WTF... final stages of cold? Flukey shite day? Imminent ladies' hols not helping? I didn't feel flu-y achey or anything, and breathing was not too bad, it was just rubbish....
But a practice is a practice... I prepared myself to bail out. I don't want to feel despair during surya namaskara, I allow myself a get-out clause. Some days it just isn't gonna happen... but it's good if we still get on the mat.
So the rundown (completely insignificant) is as follows: kapo was abysmal, worst in I don't know how long. I had to plonk down with my hands several inches behind my toes and scooch my fingers to my feet... got heels at last and managed to settle into it, but I'm used to grabbing from the air and then getting my calves. I felt how difficult it is to find any space when the hips are that far back.... you can walk with your hands but it's all compressed unless the hips stay forward (work this in ustrasana). Supta vaj I went down and thought screw it, my knee actually hurts, came straight back up. We did it with just legs crossed. I told Cary how I was feeling and she said I was halfway, I could just stop now and call it a practice. That was much appreciated! but I wanted to do a little more. Failed to get much satisfaction out of the twists, but LBH was OK. Got my karanda up but barely, like lifting a truck, and didn't quite make it up to lotus pincha even..... no problem.... did mayurasana and felt like throwing up.
Nakrasana's been on and off the menu recently due to my finger, which has settled into a decidedly incorrect position (I can't really straighten it). So big NO to that today. Went to put my right leg into vatayansana and thought 'oh fuck, my knee'..... and then just submitted, lay down for backbends. Three tight ones, a hurl up and a plonk down; that was enough, a nice squish from Cary and closing - done.
So I seem to be having problems sticking to the full program. Last Thursday I only did 2nd series.... the two Thursdays before, I somehow skipped. Today not so great.... and frankly don't feel too hopeful about tomorrow or Friday's led. However.... who cares! Next week, another six-day week to attempt. My practice in general feels a lot easier than it used to, but I seem to have more problems sticking to the schedule. But we have to remember that it really doesn't matter! It really doesn't. If we keep practising every day, we improve. I won't lose strength for 3rd series by not doing it - chaturangas and the various vinyasas make me stronger. I won't lose LBH for 3rd without doing it - if I just did eka pada, dwi pada and yoga nidrasana every day, still my hips would open! As for backbends, eh..... you can't have brilliant sunshiney weather all the time. It is what it is. But I would love to have a good practice tomorrow, and that all my sensitive body parts feel more ease.....
I think this really may be a viral kind of stiff/weak thing, hoping it's the last stages of this 'bug'.
Well, in other news I went and gave DNA to the police today, to compare with the DNA sample from where the mugger touched me. 'My' officer was out and I dealt with his colleague.... they will be in touch with an update.
There is a farmers' market near the office the first Wednesday of every month; I went there with my colleague/friend and got gorgeous seafood paella cooked up in a metre-wide pan. Heavenly moist apple and plum cake, and pistachio and cardamom cake to share, and some goat's cheeses for home, one with a subtle flavour of garlic, mmm.
The afternoon kind of dragged at work, but really I can't complain. And the moments of rapture have been coming back... the feeling of emptiness and perfection that suddenly hits at the sight of a leaf, a sky, a face.... blown away.... when we aren't there for those, the rest of life seems much tougher.
That's what practice is for.....
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
It's going OK, and dysfunctional breathing
Most of the people have gone from the office. I'm teaching soon around the corner, so Tuesdays will be my day to lie in till 6:00, practice at 7:00, stop off at home, and work from 10:30 till 7:00pm. Not much going on at this hour, a good time to blog!
Yesterday was OK.... it seemed long for awhile, even without practice beforehand... but despite the two classes in the evening, the whole day felt less rushed and less hectic. That is very, very good. Today the time has rather flown past, largely due to a nice inaugural lunch at Haz :)
I am going to the police tomorrow after practice to give another DNA sample. I had an appointment with them a few weeks ago but it got cancelled (officer called out on an emergency). Since then I've had a few letters and phone calls from victim support groups, or to update me on the progress of my case. They need a sample of 'just my' DNA to contrast with the one of 'mine + the mugger' where his hand was on my face (yuck).
Practice has been OK. Stiff Sunday and today, but fairly light. My breathing has been messed up though due to this cold... I have a cough now. Let's hope it doesn't hang around for months like it has in the past - one thing I hate about England!! This never happened to me back in Canada. Cary says come to practice if you have a cold, and I have been. Today was actually pretty good. I crashed out of the assisted tictoc though, my shoulders kind of collapsed underneath me. Some kind of connection has yet to be forged, from the hands up through the armpits to the abs. Plenty of time...
Blew my nose twice. I don't care, I have a cold! Actually, I think Cary is unlikely to mention that to me ever again.... here's why. I was just sniffling my way through led on Friday (stupidly, as I had a cold, however mild).... when suddenly, in the second half of the series, I went into a state of hyperventilation - i.e. feeling of breathlessness and difficulty taking a deep breath. Needless to say this makes practice very unpleasant. I lived with this kind of breathing pattern for years before I figured it out and was able to manage it.... and I don't want it back. I had kind of an 'aha' moment - constant sniffling leads to over-inhalation, which creates these symptoms. So the hay fever saga of my youth instilled in me unhealthy breathing patterns which plagued me through young adulthood. The feeling of needing to yawn, and inability to get a satisfactory yawn. Finding oneself constantly sighing (a way of prolonging the exhale... one which leads to depression). Trying to breathe really deep and fill the lungs, and getting the feeling that enough air won't go in - grasping, constriction. And it's incredible the extent to which our mental states are linked to the quality of the breath cycle.
Early days in yoga didn't help, because they taught us the 'complete yoga breath' filling up the abdomen first. That is no good for me. I would go so far as to say it probably isn't good for any 'soft-body' types (you may not believe I'm a 'soft-body' with these muscles, but by nature, I am). I think we need support for the breath. Support, of course, comes in the form of bandhas; bandhas taught me to regulate the breath. Some other exercises help too.... long 'shhh' or 'fuuu' exhales work well, I do these sometimes in the morning. It is also about learning to direct the air into specific parts of the lungs, and this takes practice. Once the 'hyper-ventilation cycle' is allowed to start, it is difficult to get rid of and can simply ruin the day. I should also mention I had asthma attacks for several years. So I have a history of issues with breathing.
So Friday I was simply unable to get my breath back during the last (easy) half of primary... you wouldn't know it to see me, i.e. there wasn't really huffing and puffing..... just desperate grasping, and the acute discomfort of 'not enough air'. The body also wants to inhale MORE to fix this, but the way back to normal actually lies in lengthening, 'sitting on' the exhale, even long kumbhakas after the exhale. And getting the breath into the back. I couldn't lie in savasana at the end, I had to take child's pose. And my breath was STILL messed up for hours after.
So I explained this to Cary, and I think she thought I was really nuts. I explained the roots of the problem in my childhood, and she kept saying 'but you don't have that problem anymore, right?' And I tried to explain, well yes I do, IF I let myself sniff, sniff, sniff. It was right after practice and I was feeling a bit intense.... well, on Sunday I just wanted to say to her 'sorry for freaking out a little on Friday, that was just a really weird experience for me', but all she did was laugh and hug me - she'd done that Friday too - and it really BUGGED me. I felt like I didn't get the acknowledgement of my story I wanted, I really didn't want her laughing. It seemed somehow patronising. It seemed like she was laughing at my attachments - well fine. And I suppose it's normal we all have the odd moment of being irritated by our teacher. But I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE ME SINK AGAIN INTO BAD BREATHING HABITS. Not being able to breathe well is so not funny.
So I'll do my best, and we won't talk about nose-blowing again, I reckon.
Breathing was rubbish again today even without the sniffling, worst it's been in ages.... I remembered the 'shuddering breath' second series used to give me. I think it was due to chest congestion today. Kapalbhati has been helping with that, morning and night. But last night I lay in bed and felt an irritating tickling in my chest. 'Productive cough' I don't mind, but 'tickly cough' is simply hell. I inhaled slowly, slowly, and very deep and thin.... directed the breath straight into the tickle. This feels like working at the cellular level, it is subtle. Holding the breath in with mula and jalandhara bandhas (lying on my back with chin tucked way down), and mentally clearing the space underlying the tickle...... then a long, relaxed exhale and repeat. It quickly went away and I slept.
I hate dealing with all this shit, but I can certainly learn from it.
Fastest blog post I've ever whacked out. Gotta run now, time for class!
Yesterday was OK.... it seemed long for awhile, even without practice beforehand... but despite the two classes in the evening, the whole day felt less rushed and less hectic. That is very, very good. Today the time has rather flown past, largely due to a nice inaugural lunch at Haz :)
I am going to the police tomorrow after practice to give another DNA sample. I had an appointment with them a few weeks ago but it got cancelled (officer called out on an emergency). Since then I've had a few letters and phone calls from victim support groups, or to update me on the progress of my case. They need a sample of 'just my' DNA to contrast with the one of 'mine + the mugger' where his hand was on my face (yuck).
Practice has been OK. Stiff Sunday and today, but fairly light. My breathing has been messed up though due to this cold... I have a cough now. Let's hope it doesn't hang around for months like it has in the past - one thing I hate about England!! This never happened to me back in Canada. Cary says come to practice if you have a cold, and I have been. Today was actually pretty good. I crashed out of the assisted tictoc though, my shoulders kind of collapsed underneath me. Some kind of connection has yet to be forged, from the hands up through the armpits to the abs. Plenty of time...
Blew my nose twice. I don't care, I have a cold! Actually, I think Cary is unlikely to mention that to me ever again.... here's why. I was just sniffling my way through led on Friday (stupidly, as I had a cold, however mild).... when suddenly, in the second half of the series, I went into a state of hyperventilation - i.e. feeling of breathlessness and difficulty taking a deep breath. Needless to say this makes practice very unpleasant. I lived with this kind of breathing pattern for years before I figured it out and was able to manage it.... and I don't want it back. I had kind of an 'aha' moment - constant sniffling leads to over-inhalation, which creates these symptoms. So the hay fever saga of my youth instilled in me unhealthy breathing patterns which plagued me through young adulthood. The feeling of needing to yawn, and inability to get a satisfactory yawn. Finding oneself constantly sighing (a way of prolonging the exhale... one which leads to depression). Trying to breathe really deep and fill the lungs, and getting the feeling that enough air won't go in - grasping, constriction. And it's incredible the extent to which our mental states are linked to the quality of the breath cycle.
Early days in yoga didn't help, because they taught us the 'complete yoga breath' filling up the abdomen first. That is no good for me. I would go so far as to say it probably isn't good for any 'soft-body' types (you may not believe I'm a 'soft-body' with these muscles, but by nature, I am). I think we need support for the breath. Support, of course, comes in the form of bandhas; bandhas taught me to regulate the breath. Some other exercises help too.... long 'shhh' or 'fuuu' exhales work well, I do these sometimes in the morning. It is also about learning to direct the air into specific parts of the lungs, and this takes practice. Once the 'hyper-ventilation cycle' is allowed to start, it is difficult to get rid of and can simply ruin the day. I should also mention I had asthma attacks for several years. So I have a history of issues with breathing.
So Friday I was simply unable to get my breath back during the last (easy) half of primary... you wouldn't know it to see me, i.e. there wasn't really huffing and puffing..... just desperate grasping, and the acute discomfort of 'not enough air'. The body also wants to inhale MORE to fix this, but the way back to normal actually lies in lengthening, 'sitting on' the exhale, even long kumbhakas after the exhale. And getting the breath into the back. I couldn't lie in savasana at the end, I had to take child's pose. And my breath was STILL messed up for hours after.
So I explained this to Cary, and I think she thought I was really nuts. I explained the roots of the problem in my childhood, and she kept saying 'but you don't have that problem anymore, right?' And I tried to explain, well yes I do, IF I let myself sniff, sniff, sniff. It was right after practice and I was feeling a bit intense.... well, on Sunday I just wanted to say to her 'sorry for freaking out a little on Friday, that was just a really weird experience for me', but all she did was laugh and hug me - she'd done that Friday too - and it really BUGGED me. I felt like I didn't get the acknowledgement of my story I wanted, I really didn't want her laughing. It seemed somehow patronising. It seemed like she was laughing at my attachments - well fine. And I suppose it's normal we all have the odd moment of being irritated by our teacher. But I REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE ME SINK AGAIN INTO BAD BREATHING HABITS. Not being able to breathe well is so not funny.
So I'll do my best, and we won't talk about nose-blowing again, I reckon.
Breathing was rubbish again today even without the sniffling, worst it's been in ages.... I remembered the 'shuddering breath' second series used to give me. I think it was due to chest congestion today. Kapalbhati has been helping with that, morning and night. But last night I lay in bed and felt an irritating tickling in my chest. 'Productive cough' I don't mind, but 'tickly cough' is simply hell. I inhaled slowly, slowly, and very deep and thin.... directed the breath straight into the tickle. This feels like working at the cellular level, it is subtle. Holding the breath in with mula and jalandhara bandhas (lying on my back with chin tucked way down), and mentally clearing the space underlying the tickle...... then a long, relaxed exhale and repeat. It quickly went away and I slept.
I hate dealing with all this shit, but I can certainly learn from it.
Fastest blog post I've ever whacked out. Gotta run now, time for class!
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Being boring on Halloween; getting the stiffness out of the spine
I am officially boring. Could this be middle age setting in? I was supposed to go out tonight with friends R & N, coming up from Woodford; we were going to go out in Brick Lane/Shoreditch and they'd crash at my place - already I was a bit nervous about this, since they're under 30 and I have practice in the morning... but I really enjoy them, could always have come home early and let them in in the middle of the night... but I got a text around lunchtime to say R's uncle had died and he didn't feel like going out. I had also been invited to a party, so could easily have gone over to plan B, but didn't. Instead I briefly dropped by the place I always go to and had yet another pizza (seem to be suffering pizza mania) and got back home at nine. I did wear my red wig though, just because occasionally I like to be a redhead; and it being Halloween and all.... And now I'm thinking, I should have gone to the party with the Irish guy & co (guaranteed laugh) all witched up to the hilt in stilettos flashing my red hair around.... I should have gone up to Angel last night to be out with V and the yogis (yogi boys?)... what the hell am I doing here on my own again, lonely again, turning down invitations and dates a lot recently, sticking to tried and tested formulas like the creature of habit I am, finding a host of passable suitors lacking in one respect or another, hanging around my flat accomplishing nothing. But the thought of going to parties just makes me tired, as does the thought of a date unless it's with someone I already know I want to take the clothes off of.... a select group of one at the moment, who mostly has better things to do. Another one MUST stumble across my path at some point....
Instead it's Saturday night and I'm on the Internet. I'll find more energy during the xmas party season.
OK here's my link to this morning's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1gBiyxWcgk
Nothing impressive, just me looking like death warmed over (having not had a shower yet or anything), legs cut off because the camera was in the wrong place, doing a little mid-morning stretch. Not completely cold though, because I'd made one video already which didn't come out so well. It's a bit contrived for the camera, normally I'd probably do a minute or so of this and then carry on my little activities, then strike up again whenever the urge came... very spontaneous. I'm wearing my 'slippers' which are 3-inch wedges (my most comfortable shoes) and make it pretty challenging to ground through the feet... I enjoy this, but wouldn't really recommend it :) You'll see me take them off. I wouldn't normally go all the way back either, but it felt good and I kind of got carried away because of the camera. Note that walking the hands down the backs of the legs with bent knees is much softer than dropping back with the arms over the head (sorry you really can't see what I'm doing once I go down low). Today my shoulders and upper back felt really stiff, so it's mostly about that... also needed to free the sacrum with some twisting. Hip flexors felt pretty open, and that was before I did the lunges later...
What will the body feel like tomorrow? Always a mystery.
Well let's see if it works. Then I might post about something else...
Oh, soundtrack is Manu Chao :)
Instead it's Saturday night and I'm on the Internet. I'll find more energy during the xmas party season.
OK here's my link to this morning's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1gBiyxWcgk
Nothing impressive, just me looking like death warmed over (having not had a shower yet or anything), legs cut off because the camera was in the wrong place, doing a little mid-morning stretch. Not completely cold though, because I'd made one video already which didn't come out so well. It's a bit contrived for the camera, normally I'd probably do a minute or so of this and then carry on my little activities, then strike up again whenever the urge came... very spontaneous. I'm wearing my 'slippers' which are 3-inch wedges (my most comfortable shoes) and make it pretty challenging to ground through the feet... I enjoy this, but wouldn't really recommend it :) You'll see me take them off. I wouldn't normally go all the way back either, but it felt good and I kind of got carried away because of the camera. Note that walking the hands down the backs of the legs with bent knees is much softer than dropping back with the arms over the head (sorry you really can't see what I'm doing once I go down low). Today my shoulders and upper back felt really stiff, so it's mostly about that... also needed to free the sacrum with some twisting. Hip flexors felt pretty open, and that was before I did the lunges later...
What will the body feel like tomorrow? Always a mystery.
Well let's see if it works. Then I might post about something else...
Oh, soundtrack is Manu Chao :)
Still can't post videos :(
OK, I tried a video experiment with the iPhone. It didn't work. I can take a video and YouTube it, import it into blogpress, but it won't post, it keeps failing. I also tried posting it on the laptop with blogger, that doesn't work either, it ran for about three hours, then I gave up. Grrr! I remember Grimm I think recommended QuickTime pro to compress the file (it's 11MB), but the reviews all say the PC version is rubbish so I didn't download it (£20).Grimm, are you on pc or mac? I realised windows moviemaker comes with vista, but that will not import the file - missing a codec (?).
Why the **** am I the only blogger that can't stick a frgging video in my post? GRRR! I really thought it was going to work from the iPhone :(
Your ideas please? Sorry, I know we've been here before...
-- Posted from my iPhone
Why the **** am I the only blogger that can't stick a frgging video in my post? GRRR! I really thought it was going to work from the iPhone :(
Your ideas please? Sorry, I know we've been here before...
-- Posted from my iPhone
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Tictocs, snot, and more.
Post number 200!
Awesome practice again today. Seems like every day the last few weeks, something or other in practice has been 'best ever' or 'best in a long time'. The last two days chakra bandhasana's been really great - grabbing kneecaps, breathing calmly, straight feet and really straight legs - with the legs there's a difference between 'straight' and 'REALLY straight', which sends a zing of energy through the whole structure. I'd done some lunges, hanumanasana etc on Saturday since my hip flexors were feeling tight, I think that really helped.... need to make that a regular thing. I don't think it really interferes with 'rest day', since it's something I don't get to do at all during practice!
Tictocs. I jump, my feet leave the ground a little. My shoulders need to come back more over my hands. My feeling on that is a fear of dislocating my shoulders. This never happened before, so why it worries me I'm not sure, if it was going to happen you'd think it would have already, with all the crazy sh*t we have to do! When Cary helps me up and over, I collapse into my left shoulder, the weaker one which has the vague rumour of a recent injury still just hovering. Today, the third day of trying, I remembered to press into the left arm more, and it was much better. Cary says the advantage I have is that when coming up it can be intense in the lower back, but my lower back is already open. It's true, I don't feel it there in the slightest. It's all about strength, balance and fear of the shoulders collapsing. The other thing is at the top, when she tells me 'straight legs' (you go up into handstand, catch it and then float down with straight legs), at that point I feel a danger of crashing onto my head or falling out in a twist or something. This means position of the hips and finding the right drishti need work. Well, it's a fun and very challenging project.... not something I can really work at on my own, unfortunately.... the 'toc' at least... though control in the 'tic' part still needs work too. Cary said I'll have it in a few days. HAHAHAHA!!! Bit optimistic that, I think. She says tictocs are easy, it's vrshchikasana that's hard... and that I can do, though only sometimes with control throughout.
WARNING: ick factor below....
Another issue came up today. She stopped me for a chat after supta vajrasana. It was about nose-blowing. I blow my nose a few times during practice, maybe 3-4 times? I always have tissues with me, in fact always throughout the day. She told me I have a 'blow-your-nose asana' and she wants me to try to do without it. My thoughts on that - FCUK. Not happy. I told her I've always been this way, I think it's excess kapha. She said I don't strike her that way. I told her I've cut out dairy and now soy, mucous-causing foods, and hope that will help. I told her I'm really uncomfortable breathing when I feel something moving back and forth inside my nose. Sometimes sweat rolls in there too. She said she's been in pranayama sessions where snot was flying everywhere - 'it's just snot!' Great, so is that what I tell my neighbour when an ujjayi exhale causes the contents of my nose to fly all over them or their mat?? What about the inhale, I just can't make ujjayi work with a runny nose! I mean three times during a two-hour practice, come on, is it a big deal?? I admit that a favourite time to do it is before or after parsva dhanurasana (toughie), but still? I'd just stop and wipe the sweat off or fix my ponytail or something (hair fixing may come under attack next, who knows). I see where she's coming from, OK I have an attachment thingie going on here, but is it really necessary for me to add this discomfort to an already incredibly difficult practice? I don't think I could go two hours without blowing my nose even if I wasn't practising. It is something I do. When there's stuff in my nose, I blow it. I am extremely uncomfortable with even the hint of runniness in my nose (I wouldn't get on well in Japan, where blowing your nose is bad manners and constant runny sniffling is totally acceptable - I find this really gross).
Memories.... a childhood of hay fever. For most of August and September, a nose COMPLETELY blocked, AND constantly streaming. Pure misery, for years. A child at the beginning of the school year with a nasal voice and mouth breathing, liquid snot suddenly streaming out onto the desk. Great way to make friends, yeah, for a shy kid especially. An irritated father telling my mother to make me blow my nose. He didn't understand that it didn't help. I remember also my mother's compassion. In those days I could blow all I wanted and it wouldn't unblock, yet still the constant stream of snot had to be caught. And there was always more. This hay fever issue had a HUGE impact on my life and development. I have never in my life seen someone with hay fever so severe. (Moment of gratitude that it finally went away.)
This is upsetting my world..... she's right in that it's bringing up 'stuff' so it's something to confront, but on a practical level, COME ON???
I shall do my best, reluctantly. 'We'll do our best' is the catchphrase with Cary.
Well, in other news, some 'boy racers' were having fun last night, going from zero to full throttle in the space of a few seconds, REALLY noisy and raw-sounding engine as well. They kept coming down my street, then I would hear it fade into the distance, nearly drowned out by the constant wail of sirens from Whitechapel Road.... then a few minutes later they'd be back. This went on from before I left at 6:30 to go and teach, until sometime after five this morning, around the time I got up. How do I know that? Because it kept on waking me up, of course. Wankers. I'm a bad yogi, I have no compassion for these punks. I feel more compassion for my mugger, who at least had some end in mind other than the pure pleasure taken in irritating others. The 'boy racers' I would happily see hung in a public place as an example to others. It's funny around here... Whitechapel Road I sometimes find colourful and fascinating, other times hostile and depressing. I was about to cross a side street last night when a car zoomed round the corner at top speed. I had one foot on the pavement and stepped back. I was nowhere near stepping in front of the car, but I heard 'FUCK YOU, BITCH!' yelled out the window. Very nice. Thanks for that.
On a different note, one which inspires a little less despair about human nature, I said goodbye to another class yesterday and was really touched by the responses. In addition to all the people telling me how I'd helped and inspired them, I got a lovely thank you card from one, and a box of very posh handmade truffles from another. YUM! I left them at the office, saving them for today and my colleague/boss's return. There are some things I didn't manage to get done in her absence so hopefully they'll help get me out of the doghouse :)
Long! Apologies. I had to get all that out. Thank you for reading if you made it this far and especially through the snotty part!
Awesome practice again today. Seems like every day the last few weeks, something or other in practice has been 'best ever' or 'best in a long time'. The last two days chakra bandhasana's been really great - grabbing kneecaps, breathing calmly, straight feet and really straight legs - with the legs there's a difference between 'straight' and 'REALLY straight', which sends a zing of energy through the whole structure. I'd done some lunges, hanumanasana etc on Saturday since my hip flexors were feeling tight, I think that really helped.... need to make that a regular thing. I don't think it really interferes with 'rest day', since it's something I don't get to do at all during practice!
Tictocs. I jump, my feet leave the ground a little. My shoulders need to come back more over my hands. My feeling on that is a fear of dislocating my shoulders. This never happened before, so why it worries me I'm not sure, if it was going to happen you'd think it would have already, with all the crazy sh*t we have to do! When Cary helps me up and over, I collapse into my left shoulder, the weaker one which has the vague rumour of a recent injury still just hovering. Today, the third day of trying, I remembered to press into the left arm more, and it was much better. Cary says the advantage I have is that when coming up it can be intense in the lower back, but my lower back is already open. It's true, I don't feel it there in the slightest. It's all about strength, balance and fear of the shoulders collapsing. The other thing is at the top, when she tells me 'straight legs' (you go up into handstand, catch it and then float down with straight legs), at that point I feel a danger of crashing onto my head or falling out in a twist or something. This means position of the hips and finding the right drishti need work. Well, it's a fun and very challenging project.... not something I can really work at on my own, unfortunately.... the 'toc' at least... though control in the 'tic' part still needs work too. Cary said I'll have it in a few days. HAHAHAHA!!! Bit optimistic that, I think. She says tictocs are easy, it's vrshchikasana that's hard... and that I can do, though only sometimes with control throughout.
WARNING: ick factor below....
Another issue came up today. She stopped me for a chat after supta vajrasana. It was about nose-blowing. I blow my nose a few times during practice, maybe 3-4 times? I always have tissues with me, in fact always throughout the day. She told me I have a 'blow-your-nose asana' and she wants me to try to do without it. My thoughts on that - FCUK. Not happy. I told her I've always been this way, I think it's excess kapha. She said I don't strike her that way. I told her I've cut out dairy and now soy, mucous-causing foods, and hope that will help. I told her I'm really uncomfortable breathing when I feel something moving back and forth inside my nose. Sometimes sweat rolls in there too. She said she's been in pranayama sessions where snot was flying everywhere - 'it's just snot!' Great, so is that what I tell my neighbour when an ujjayi exhale causes the contents of my nose to fly all over them or their mat?? What about the inhale, I just can't make ujjayi work with a runny nose! I mean three times during a two-hour practice, come on, is it a big deal?? I admit that a favourite time to do it is before or after parsva dhanurasana (toughie), but still? I'd just stop and wipe the sweat off or fix my ponytail or something (hair fixing may come under attack next, who knows). I see where she's coming from, OK I have an attachment thingie going on here, but is it really necessary for me to add this discomfort to an already incredibly difficult practice? I don't think I could go two hours without blowing my nose even if I wasn't practising. It is something I do. When there's stuff in my nose, I blow it. I am extremely uncomfortable with even the hint of runniness in my nose (I wouldn't get on well in Japan, where blowing your nose is bad manners and constant runny sniffling is totally acceptable - I find this really gross).
Memories.... a childhood of hay fever. For most of August and September, a nose COMPLETELY blocked, AND constantly streaming. Pure misery, for years. A child at the beginning of the school year with a nasal voice and mouth breathing, liquid snot suddenly streaming out onto the desk. Great way to make friends, yeah, for a shy kid especially. An irritated father telling my mother to make me blow my nose. He didn't understand that it didn't help. I remember also my mother's compassion. In those days I could blow all I wanted and it wouldn't unblock, yet still the constant stream of snot had to be caught. And there was always more. This hay fever issue had a HUGE impact on my life and development. I have never in my life seen someone with hay fever so severe. (Moment of gratitude that it finally went away.)
This is upsetting my world..... she's right in that it's bringing up 'stuff' so it's something to confront, but on a practical level, COME ON???
I shall do my best, reluctantly. 'We'll do our best' is the catchphrase with Cary.
Well, in other news, some 'boy racers' were having fun last night, going from zero to full throttle in the space of a few seconds, REALLY noisy and raw-sounding engine as well. They kept coming down my street, then I would hear it fade into the distance, nearly drowned out by the constant wail of sirens from Whitechapel Road.... then a few minutes later they'd be back. This went on from before I left at 6:30 to go and teach, until sometime after five this morning, around the time I got up. How do I know that? Because it kept on waking me up, of course. Wankers. I'm a bad yogi, I have no compassion for these punks. I feel more compassion for my mugger, who at least had some end in mind other than the pure pleasure taken in irritating others. The 'boy racers' I would happily see hung in a public place as an example to others. It's funny around here... Whitechapel Road I sometimes find colourful and fascinating, other times hostile and depressing. I was about to cross a side street last night when a car zoomed round the corner at top speed. I had one foot on the pavement and stepped back. I was nowhere near stepping in front of the car, but I heard 'FUCK YOU, BITCH!' yelled out the window. Very nice. Thanks for that.
On a different note, one which inspires a little less despair about human nature, I said goodbye to another class yesterday and was really touched by the responses. In addition to all the people telling me how I'd helped and inspired them, I got a lovely thank you card from one, and a box of very posh handmade truffles from another. YUM! I left them at the office, saving them for today and my colleague/boss's return. There are some things I didn't manage to get done in her absence so hopefully they'll help get me out of the doghouse :)
Long! Apologies. I had to get all that out. Thank you for reading if you made it this far and especially through the snotty part!
Monday, 26 October 2009
Just a quickie...
(bumping down my post of shame)
Practice was good today, second series only. I was light, and for the first time, did the complete karandavasana, i.e. finding the balance in pincha again at the top and correct exit to chaturanga. Yes!!! The other latest thing I have to do is lift up to handstand without jumping. Today I was able to go up with straight legs and catch it at the top, another first (I've floated up straight-legged before at home, but then slammed my legs against a wall). So Cary told me it was time to start work on tictocs.... I went over from vrshchikasana and made a feeble attempt to jump - my feet DID leave the floor, albeit not by much. Then she helped me up and over, I kind of collapsed into my left side, but it was cool.
Backbends and LBH also good.... I've had something going on in my right hip (again) the last week but it doesn't seem to affect many postures.... more the standings actually, when coming back up to stand with straight legs there is a pain around the piriformis area. It gets better by the end of practice. It's also tight around the sides and front of the hip.... I've been doing lunges and it's getting better. So here's my theory: I had a super-open week the week before last, then last weekend really didn't budge on Saturday, mostly stayed in bed; and then Sunday moon day. On the Friday I'd been so loose and bendy it felt like the bones were just floating around inside me..... a nice long walk on Saturday would have helped to integrate it all.... but just lying around caused it all to gel together in a slightly out-of-whack fashion, and I spent all last week trying to sort it out.
Well, I've been coming down with a cold today, but hopefully it won't stick - dosed up on vitamin C and echinacea, and drinking a lemon/honey/ginger drink right now. I felt stuffiness in my head in the first downward dog and the breath had that 'grainy' quality of the onset of a cold, but I had lots of energy for practice and I could breathe. This evening it's a bit of coughing and a tender feeling chest. But I never really got the snotty, stuffy head cold part, and I'm hoping to also miss out on the hacking London cough. I think I'll be OK tomorrow.
One member has already left my team at work and the other is off for a couple of days; thereby leaving me to do everything in the office, even though I am STILL ON PART-TIME HOURS, grrrr. It hasn't even started yet, leave me alone!!!
Said goodbye to Monday lunchtime class today and felt sad. Thanked the 28 people there for their hard work, wished them luck on their yoga journey.... a friend and experienced teacher is taking over for me there, so I don't need to worry about them. It will be good for them to have a change, in fact.
Everything is always changing.... constant flux.
Bedtime now, good night.
Practice was good today, second series only. I was light, and for the first time, did the complete karandavasana, i.e. finding the balance in pincha again at the top and correct exit to chaturanga. Yes!!! The other latest thing I have to do is lift up to handstand without jumping. Today I was able to go up with straight legs and catch it at the top, another first (I've floated up straight-legged before at home, but then slammed my legs against a wall). So Cary told me it was time to start work on tictocs.... I went over from vrshchikasana and made a feeble attempt to jump - my feet DID leave the floor, albeit not by much. Then she helped me up and over, I kind of collapsed into my left side, but it was cool.
Backbends and LBH also good.... I've had something going on in my right hip (again) the last week but it doesn't seem to affect many postures.... more the standings actually, when coming back up to stand with straight legs there is a pain around the piriformis area. It gets better by the end of practice. It's also tight around the sides and front of the hip.... I've been doing lunges and it's getting better. So here's my theory: I had a super-open week the week before last, then last weekend really didn't budge on Saturday, mostly stayed in bed; and then Sunday moon day. On the Friday I'd been so loose and bendy it felt like the bones were just floating around inside me..... a nice long walk on Saturday would have helped to integrate it all.... but just lying around caused it all to gel together in a slightly out-of-whack fashion, and I spent all last week trying to sort it out.
Well, I've been coming down with a cold today, but hopefully it won't stick - dosed up on vitamin C and echinacea, and drinking a lemon/honey/ginger drink right now. I felt stuffiness in my head in the first downward dog and the breath had that 'grainy' quality of the onset of a cold, but I had lots of energy for practice and I could breathe. This evening it's a bit of coughing and a tender feeling chest. But I never really got the snotty, stuffy head cold part, and I'm hoping to also miss out on the hacking London cough. I think I'll be OK tomorrow.
One member has already left my team at work and the other is off for a couple of days; thereby leaving me to do everything in the office, even though I am STILL ON PART-TIME HOURS, grrrr. It hasn't even started yet, leave me alone!!!
Said goodbye to Monday lunchtime class today and felt sad. Thanked the 28 people there for their hard work, wished them luck on their yoga journey.... a friend and experienced teacher is taking over for me there, so I don't need to worry about them. It will be good for them to have a change, in fact.
Everything is always changing.... constant flux.
Bedtime now, good night.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
I did NOT make good use of the extra hour
The clocks went back last night, winter is here. Long hours of darkness in the evening, now....
Last night for some reason I got terribly drunk, in the style of my early years, when I used to just hammer them back and wake up with huge memory gaps and crushing shame. Not sure how or why this happened.... not enough to eat and just one too many beers I guess. I can't remember the last time that kind of thing slipped out of my control.
I'd arranged to meet up with a 'friend' and it was a good evening up until the end. But the last thing I remember clearly is the walk home, not being able to walk straight, a sudden argument, and basically getting told off and sent home on my own. Which completely defeated the purpose of the whole encounter, since all I wanted was a big warm body next to me for a change and some arms around me for a couple of hours.....
Woke up on my own with puffy eyes and as lonely as ever. Oh well.
I could have rushed to practice just now, but I am not motivated. I'm feeling pretty low. I'm confident I'll practise later though, I certainly need to. That'll be a good reason to shift some stuff around downstairs.... haven't done a home practice in a while, maybe I'll try the video function on the iPhone?
And I'll do hanumanasana. Yeah, and maybe even eka pada raja kapo. And in fact I think I'll get the Sweeney book out and teach myself the next poses, the three urdhva kukkutasanas. Dehydration makes for light practices, at least, and I could do with some extra backbends. Only second series today, so time to chuck in some extras! And maybe I could try just sitting for a while, like a proper yogi (after my headache goes away).
It's the most gorgeous sunny day out. The windows are open, and despite a slight breeze rippling the leaves on the tree, no cold air is coming in. I got a different rice milk and it wasn't too bad in the coffee.... think I'll make another one. I have a couple of hours now before I leave to teach, then a nice walk to clear my head. I'm feeling soberly productive at this moment, so time to do something useful and start to redeem myself. Another day, another fresh start......
Or maybe I should go back to bed for an hour?
I wish I had a nice professional website to direct people to, especially now that I'm giving up classes. But all I have is this blog, which nowadays seems to fulfill the function of having someone at home to talk to. It's like all of you are my flatmate or something. No idea why I'm dumping this kind of shit out there for the entire world to read..... I'm sure I'll regret posting this later.
Sigh.
OK, I'm going to go and get in the shower now.....
Edit: One hour later and things cleared up with my friend by text. Plus I don't seem to have lost any possessions, I feel lucky! Yet another warning / close call.... won't be doing that again in a hurry.
Last night for some reason I got terribly drunk, in the style of my early years, when I used to just hammer them back and wake up with huge memory gaps and crushing shame. Not sure how or why this happened.... not enough to eat and just one too many beers I guess. I can't remember the last time that kind of thing slipped out of my control.
I'd arranged to meet up with a 'friend' and it was a good evening up until the end. But the last thing I remember clearly is the walk home, not being able to walk straight, a sudden argument, and basically getting told off and sent home on my own. Which completely defeated the purpose of the whole encounter, since all I wanted was a big warm body next to me for a change and some arms around me for a couple of hours.....
Woke up on my own with puffy eyes and as lonely as ever. Oh well.
I could have rushed to practice just now, but I am not motivated. I'm feeling pretty low. I'm confident I'll practise later though, I certainly need to. That'll be a good reason to shift some stuff around downstairs.... haven't done a home practice in a while, maybe I'll try the video function on the iPhone?
And I'll do hanumanasana. Yeah, and maybe even eka pada raja kapo. And in fact I think I'll get the Sweeney book out and teach myself the next poses, the three urdhva kukkutasanas. Dehydration makes for light practices, at least, and I could do with some extra backbends. Only second series today, so time to chuck in some extras! And maybe I could try just sitting for a while, like a proper yogi (after my headache goes away).
It's the most gorgeous sunny day out. The windows are open, and despite a slight breeze rippling the leaves on the tree, no cold air is coming in. I got a different rice milk and it wasn't too bad in the coffee.... think I'll make another one. I have a couple of hours now before I leave to teach, then a nice walk to clear my head. I'm feeling soberly productive at this moment, so time to do something useful and start to redeem myself. Another day, another fresh start......
Or maybe I should go back to bed for an hour?
I wish I had a nice professional website to direct people to, especially now that I'm giving up classes. But all I have is this blog, which nowadays seems to fulfill the function of having someone at home to talk to. It's like all of you are my flatmate or something. No idea why I'm dumping this kind of shit out there for the entire world to read..... I'm sure I'll regret posting this later.
Sigh.
OK, I'm going to go and get in the shower now.....
Edit: One hour later and things cleared up with my friend by text. Plus I don't seem to have lost any possessions, I feel lucky! Yet another warning / close call.... won't be doing that again in a hurry.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
The Soy Post
Well, it has crept into the comments already, so I'd better write it!
I reluctantly gave up (cow) dairy products a few months ago, after some food intolerance testing... completely, for about two months. Now I make the odd exception, but I switched to soy milk in my coffee and I really like chocolate or vanilla soy milk drinks (replaced drinking yogurt). The main cause of my gurgling stomach seems to have been red and green peppers, which I now avoid.
I started to worry about the amount of soy milk I consume. I put it in my morning coffee, have a soy latte from Costa at work, and can polish off up to a litre of the chocolate stuff in a day. Bad, I know!! Gut feeling (oops, pun) tells me that tofu, miso soup etc are good in moderation, but these heavily processed drinks in large amounts are not.
A few weeks ago I noticed a kind of lump-in-the-throat feeling that came and went. Briefly, it occurred to me I might have a thyroid imbalance, since my mother did and I'm about the age that it can happen. I decided to research thyroid issues and noticed a reference to SOY. Hmm! So putting the two key words together, a search revealed thousands of links on the soy-thyroid connection, which has apparently been a well-known controversy for the last decade. It's even been on Oprah!
So that's it.... all these sweet soy drinks have been sending my thyroid gland berserk!
I made a snap decision to just cut it out and see. Gradually at first, finishing the carton I had at home. I am now off it completely, second day (would have been third had I not forgotten that miso is soy, duh)... and I feel good. I have the feeling the stuff had been bloating me as well as causing this thing in my throat.
Sadly, this leaves a huge gap in the 'feel-good food' department for me, no more sugary lattes, or sweet creamy drinks. It's the creaminess issue... where to get that feeling??
Well, the cravings can subside. Green tea is starting to appeal again, I'm shifting into a better mode. No lattes means less sugar too, which will get/keep me out of the 'sugar cycle'. Granola must be kept out of the house.... I'd thought I might be able to use it responsibly, but no. Some favourite foods remain, and there are some good healthy tasty lunch options that just popped up near the office, so it is not so bleak. I've been having rice milk in my morning coffee, but it's pretty foul, so the next step is switching to black spiced tea in the mornings (unfortunately this requires slightly more effort). Rice milk can remain to go on the occasional bowl of muesli. Don't want to use too much of it, as a processed rice drink hardly seems better than a processed soy drink. One day I may just go back to milk.
BAD FOODS
milk
soy milk
cow's cheese (may be had in moderation occasionally)
other soy products, for now (miso and tofu to be reintroduced)
red or green peppers
granola or other sweet things in uncontrollable amounts
GOOD FOODS
berries, bananas
hummus
marinated artichokes
broad beans ('gourmet' ones I absolutely love)
chick peas
any other kind of bean
eggs
squash/sweet potatoes
broccoli, brussels sprouts etc etc
avocados
rice, couscous
muesli/porridge with rice milk (in moderation)
black spiced tea, green tea, detox teas
ginger cordial
lemon, honey and ginger drink
goat's or sheep's cheese (in moderation)
ryvita, rice cakes (including dark-chocolate-covered)
pizza (once a week is OK, I found a great source with paper-thin crust)
falafel sandwiches, veggie wraps and casseroles for lunch at work
apple juice but not overdoing it
fish, once or twice a week
meat, very occasionally (??? - but I'll leave this part for now)
ETC
I may hang onto my V energy drink in the morning, as a vice.
So it will be tough, but I'm going to feel much better. I still have to avoid the carb cycle thing, I can easily get into a diet of toast and jam/honey alternating with muesli. No point in pretending I'm going be cooking much, but you never know I may get inspired. The main problem with my own cooking, apart from finding the time, is I make a lot and love it so much I eat it all! But steamed veggies on rice with turmeric and cinnamon, I can do....
I have also of course been focussing on shoulderstand & cycle, which is supposed to regulate the thyroid. I am feeling around in there with my chin. I never get why the iyengaris do it with their head hanging off of a block, aren't they missing the point??
It's going well so far, and no lump in the throat today. Ideas welcome... I'll keep you posted.
I reluctantly gave up (cow) dairy products a few months ago, after some food intolerance testing... completely, for about two months. Now I make the odd exception, but I switched to soy milk in my coffee and I really like chocolate or vanilla soy milk drinks (replaced drinking yogurt). The main cause of my gurgling stomach seems to have been red and green peppers, which I now avoid.
I started to worry about the amount of soy milk I consume. I put it in my morning coffee, have a soy latte from Costa at work, and can polish off up to a litre of the chocolate stuff in a day. Bad, I know!! Gut feeling (oops, pun) tells me that tofu, miso soup etc are good in moderation, but these heavily processed drinks in large amounts are not.
A few weeks ago I noticed a kind of lump-in-the-throat feeling that came and went. Briefly, it occurred to me I might have a thyroid imbalance, since my mother did and I'm about the age that it can happen. I decided to research thyroid issues and noticed a reference to SOY. Hmm! So putting the two key words together, a search revealed thousands of links on the soy-thyroid connection, which has apparently been a well-known controversy for the last decade. It's even been on Oprah!
So that's it.... all these sweet soy drinks have been sending my thyroid gland berserk!
I made a snap decision to just cut it out and see. Gradually at first, finishing the carton I had at home. I am now off it completely, second day (would have been third had I not forgotten that miso is soy, duh)... and I feel good. I have the feeling the stuff had been bloating me as well as causing this thing in my throat.
Sadly, this leaves a huge gap in the 'feel-good food' department for me, no more sugary lattes, or sweet creamy drinks. It's the creaminess issue... where to get that feeling??
Well, the cravings can subside. Green tea is starting to appeal again, I'm shifting into a better mode. No lattes means less sugar too, which will get/keep me out of the 'sugar cycle'. Granola must be kept out of the house.... I'd thought I might be able to use it responsibly, but no. Some favourite foods remain, and there are some good healthy tasty lunch options that just popped up near the office, so it is not so bleak. I've been having rice milk in my morning coffee, but it's pretty foul, so the next step is switching to black spiced tea in the mornings (unfortunately this requires slightly more effort). Rice milk can remain to go on the occasional bowl of muesli. Don't want to use too much of it, as a processed rice drink hardly seems better than a processed soy drink. One day I may just go back to milk.
BAD FOODS
milk
soy milk
cow's cheese (may be had in moderation occasionally)
other soy products, for now (miso and tofu to be reintroduced)
red or green peppers
granola or other sweet things in uncontrollable amounts
GOOD FOODS
berries, bananas
hummus
marinated artichokes
broad beans ('gourmet' ones I absolutely love)
chick peas
any other kind of bean
eggs
squash/sweet potatoes
broccoli, brussels sprouts etc etc
avocados
rice, couscous
muesli/porridge with rice milk (in moderation)
black spiced tea, green tea, detox teas
ginger cordial
lemon, honey and ginger drink
goat's or sheep's cheese (in moderation)
ryvita, rice cakes (including dark-chocolate-covered)
pizza (once a week is OK, I found a great source with paper-thin crust)
falafel sandwiches, veggie wraps and casseroles for lunch at work
apple juice but not overdoing it
fish, once or twice a week
meat, very occasionally (??? - but I'll leave this part for now)
ETC
I may hang onto my V energy drink in the morning, as a vice.
So it will be tough, but I'm going to feel much better. I still have to avoid the carb cycle thing, I can easily get into a diet of toast and jam/honey alternating with muesli. No point in pretending I'm going be cooking much, but you never know I may get inspired. The main problem with my own cooking, apart from finding the time, is I make a lot and love it so much I eat it all! But steamed veggies on rice with turmeric and cinnamon, I can do....
I have also of course been focussing on shoulderstand & cycle, which is supposed to regulate the thyroid. I am feeling around in there with my chin. I never get why the iyengaris do it with their head hanging off of a block, aren't they missing the point??
It's going well so far, and no lump in the throat today. Ideas welcome... I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Crashing hard, and ravings about backbends
Yesterday I was flattened. Talk about new moon energy lows... today the cycle begins again, a fresh start. The last couple of weeks were tough, I mean last week was WAY better than the one before, but - so busy. Full-on six-day practice week, teaching, deadlines at the office, some nice lunches and parties. Impossible to find time to blog during the week....
I basically spent all of yesterday either in or on the bed, getting up only when necessary, huddled up with the laptop and its intermittent connection, and the iPhone, no energy to blog, reading here and there and following the football (we lost). It was like being sick, except I wasn't. The fridge was empty and I didn't want to go out, so I subsisted mainly on granola from the box (I know, a steady stream of sugar) and some smoothie I had left. Sometime after lunch I decided to cut myself some slack, ditch the guilt, and devote the day purely to rest. I was kind of wallowing as well, but decided to just go with it and hit the bottom. At least I didn't have to really get sick in order to make myself slow down? Jettisoned plans for the evening and slept, slept, slept till 7:00 this morning, probably about 25 hours since Friday night.
Today I feel good and I've been very productive, even if still doing the 'keeping up' stuff and not the 'getting ahead'. Washing, washing up, hoovered, swept, put clean sheets on the bed, did the shopping (fridge now full), Sunday class and the long walk there and back. Have even moved some stuff around and taken some steps towards ORDER. I'm going out soon to reward myself with a pizza :)
[later] Man, that pizza was good. Half in foil for tomorrow. Artichokes, olives, spinach, mushrooms :)
Practice this week was very good, backbending especially is coming along nicely! I made a discovery: I haven't been working in my backbends the last several months. I'd been hanging out there, just waiting for some kind of opening to just happen. How did this come about? Through fear! Shifting the weight back and forth in UD is helpful in opening the shoulders and hip flexors, but it was just avoidance for me - I need to think up and down, not back and forth. Pressing strongly into my hands and driving the heels down like tent pegs sends me up in the middle. This is the way to create length. I'd been lifting and widening the heels as I walked in the hands in, to keep the feet straight - waste of time. I lose connection. Much better to just keep the heels driving DOWN (whilst trying to keep them straight). And I encounter intense sensations in the spine, which are not pain, not compression.
In dropbacks I keep the heels driving down and it creates the 'slinky' effect. Then I can hover with fingertips a few inches above the floor, but only getting down so low because heels are going DOWN, and hips/chest UP (hips forward too, but I'd been forgetting UP). A few months ago in my attempts to hold it with fingertips actually grazing the floor, I'd lost some upward lift and experienced some scary compression.... which caused a backing off and subsequent fear/avoidance.
In dropbacks we have to drive the heels down with the thighs internally rotated and feet straight. Then lift through the thighs and keep connection through the inner thighs, into mula bandha, up to uddiyana. Then we have two strong flexy bands running into either side of the lower back, avoiding convergence in the centre. I think it actually meets in the front of the body, not the lower back. Hips are forward and lift up, then chest lifts, head goes back, arms reach out.... arms also connected via two strong parallel lines into the centre, not the shoulders....
Kapo's the same, grounding the knees. Inner knees, I think, with the toes turned slightly OUT and as wide as the knees. This week I was halfway up my calves, wondering if I could bring my toes to rest in the crook of my elbow one day... arms finally straight in kapo B. And chakrabandhasana was walking up onto the knees every day, then straight feet and legs.... slow down the rapid breath and be cool.... it's intense but it isn't pain. Intensity mostly in the outer hips and sides of the lower back (waist). Vrshchikasana first helps hugely for chakrabandhasana, cracking open the heart area. And I grabbed my own heels from the floor after vrshchi on Thursday, first time I've been able to approach that in many months. Hurray :)
Any break in the Lines means falling back, failing to stand up, or a feeling of covergence towards the lower back that is unsound. Grounding down and lifting up are the keys to getting more length, and more length = more possibility to bend, more stability in the lower back and hips, allowing that sweet cracking open behind the heart and up to the neck.
Another thing: work every upward dog.
Ah, I love backbends. I have two other topics I want to discuss, but it's nice to talk about backbends... can't wait to do some in the morning.
This post is long enough. Photo is from my new favourite restaurant, the Cinnamon Kitchen. Wanted to take photos of the food, but was so enthralled I forgot :) Seems easier to insert photos via the Blogpress app than through Blogger/T-mobile, and 3GS has video.... hmm... hope it works...
Wishing you all a happy new moon cycle and some grounded, ecstatically opening backbends :) Good night.
-- Posted from my iPhone
I basically spent all of yesterday either in or on the bed, getting up only when necessary, huddled up with the laptop and its intermittent connection, and the iPhone, no energy to blog, reading here and there and following the football (we lost). It was like being sick, except I wasn't. The fridge was empty and I didn't want to go out, so I subsisted mainly on granola from the box (I know, a steady stream of sugar) and some smoothie I had left. Sometime after lunch I decided to cut myself some slack, ditch the guilt, and devote the day purely to rest. I was kind of wallowing as well, but decided to just go with it and hit the bottom. At least I didn't have to really get sick in order to make myself slow down? Jettisoned plans for the evening and slept, slept, slept till 7:00 this morning, probably about 25 hours since Friday night.
Today I feel good and I've been very productive, even if still doing the 'keeping up' stuff and not the 'getting ahead'. Washing, washing up, hoovered, swept, put clean sheets on the bed, did the shopping (fridge now full), Sunday class and the long walk there and back. Have even moved some stuff around and taken some steps towards ORDER. I'm going out soon to reward myself with a pizza :)
[later] Man, that pizza was good. Half in foil for tomorrow. Artichokes, olives, spinach, mushrooms :)
Practice this week was very good, backbending especially is coming along nicely! I made a discovery: I haven't been working in my backbends the last several months. I'd been hanging out there, just waiting for some kind of opening to just happen. How did this come about? Through fear! Shifting the weight back and forth in UD is helpful in opening the shoulders and hip flexors, but it was just avoidance for me - I need to think up and down, not back and forth. Pressing strongly into my hands and driving the heels down like tent pegs sends me up in the middle. This is the way to create length. I'd been lifting and widening the heels as I walked in the hands in, to keep the feet straight - waste of time. I lose connection. Much better to just keep the heels driving DOWN (whilst trying to keep them straight). And I encounter intense sensations in the spine, which are not pain, not compression.
In dropbacks I keep the heels driving down and it creates the 'slinky' effect. Then I can hover with fingertips a few inches above the floor, but only getting down so low because heels are going DOWN, and hips/chest UP (hips forward too, but I'd been forgetting UP). A few months ago in my attempts to hold it with fingertips actually grazing the floor, I'd lost some upward lift and experienced some scary compression.... which caused a backing off and subsequent fear/avoidance.
In dropbacks we have to drive the heels down with the thighs internally rotated and feet straight. Then lift through the thighs and keep connection through the inner thighs, into mula bandha, up to uddiyana. Then we have two strong flexy bands running into either side of the lower back, avoiding convergence in the centre. I think it actually meets in the front of the body, not the lower back. Hips are forward and lift up, then chest lifts, head goes back, arms reach out.... arms also connected via two strong parallel lines into the centre, not the shoulders....
Kapo's the same, grounding the knees. Inner knees, I think, with the toes turned slightly OUT and as wide as the knees. This week I was halfway up my calves, wondering if I could bring my toes to rest in the crook of my elbow one day... arms finally straight in kapo B. And chakrabandhasana was walking up onto the knees every day, then straight feet and legs.... slow down the rapid breath and be cool.... it's intense but it isn't pain. Intensity mostly in the outer hips and sides of the lower back (waist). Vrshchikasana first helps hugely for chakrabandhasana, cracking open the heart area. And I grabbed my own heels from the floor after vrshchi on Thursday, first time I've been able to approach that in many months. Hurray :)
Any break in the Lines means falling back, failing to stand up, or a feeling of covergence towards the lower back that is unsound. Grounding down and lifting up are the keys to getting more length, and more length = more possibility to bend, more stability in the lower back and hips, allowing that sweet cracking open behind the heart and up to the neck.
Another thing: work every upward dog.
Ah, I love backbends. I have two other topics I want to discuss, but it's nice to talk about backbends... can't wait to do some in the morning.
This post is long enough. Photo is from my new favourite restaurant, the Cinnamon Kitchen. Wanted to take photos of the food, but was so enthralled I forgot :) Seems easier to insert photos via the Blogpress app than through Blogger/T-mobile, and 3GS has video.... hmm... hope it works...
Wishing you all a happy new moon cycle and some grounded, ecstatically opening backbends :) Good night.
-- Posted from my iPhone
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Up and running!
Just a quickie to say all sorted, I have my magical toy back! And guess what, I found the app for blogging :)
Lots to say but must get to bed, long day tomorrow. Between practice and office I have to go to the police station....
-- Posted from my iPhone
Lots to say but must get to bed, long day tomorrow. Between practice and office I have to go to the police station....
-- Posted from my iPhone
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